Communication plays a vital role in maintaining quality of life for people living with dementia. As the condition progresses, language and communication become increasingly challenging, with each person experiencing different difficulties at different stages. Being mindful of how we speak to someone with dementia can make a significant difference in their daily experiences.
Here are seven common phrases and approaches to avoid, along with better alternatives:
1. Avoid: “Remember when…?”
While sharing memories can be comforting, directly asking someone to remember specific events might highlight their memory difficulties and create unnecessary stress. The person may feel like they’re being tested.
Better approach: Start with “I remember when…” This allows the person to join the conversation comfortably if they wish, without feeling pressured to recall specific memories.
2. Avoid: “I’ve just told you that”
Hearing the same question repeatedly can be challenging, but expressing frustration about repetition can cause distress. Remember that for the person with dementia, each time they ask feels like the first time.
Better approach: Answer questions calmly and patiently, maintaining an even tone. If you need a break, it’s okay to step away briefly to recharge.
3. Avoid: Direct References to Deaths of Loved Ones
When someone with dementia asks about a deceased loved one, responding with “They died years ago” can cause fresh grief and trauma each time.
Better approach:
- Engage in conversations about the person they’re asking about
- Look for underlying needs for comfort or reassurance
- Use gentle redirection when appropriate
- Pay attention to the emotions behind their questions
4. Avoid: “What did you do this morning?”
Open-ended questions about recent events can create anxiety if the person can’t remember the details.
Better approach:
- Focus on the present moment
- Share brief stories about your own day
- Use objects in the environment (photos, decorations) to guide conversation
- Allow them to voluntarily share information about their day
5. Avoid: “Do you recognize me?”
This question can create anxiety and guilt if they don’t remember, or offense if they do.
Better approach:
- Offer a warm greeting
- State your name and relationship naturally when appropriate
- Adjust your approach based on their condition’s stage
- Keep interactions friendly and relaxed
6. Avoid: Complex, Multi-Step Instructions
Long sentences containing multiple actions or ideas can be overwhelming and confusing.
Better approach:
- Present one idea or instruction at a time
- Use clear, simple sentences
- Ensure you have their attention before speaking
- Give them time to process each piece of information
- Minimize background noise during conversations
7. Avoid: “Elderspeak”
Using a high-pitched voice, diminutive terms like “deary,” or speaking as if to a child can be demeaning and disrespectful.
Better approach:
- Maintain a normal, adult speaking tone
- Use their name unless you know they prefer terms of endearment
- Speak slower if needed, but don’t change your tone
- Remember the dignity and lifetime of experience of the person before you
Key Principles to Remember
- Each person with dementia experiences the condition differently
- Focus on the person’s current reality and emotions
- Maintain patience and calm in your interactions
- Prioritize dignity and respect in all communications
- Adjust your approach based on the individual and their stage of dementia
Good communication can significantly impact the quality of life for someone with dementia. By being mindful of our words and approach, we can help create more positive and supportive interactions.